No More Anything.

Picked at my chest an hour ago then jumped in the shower. Oh the pain the hot water brought to my wounded skin...

I also picked the same area last night.

i'm not a big coffee drinker. I have it maybe once a week or every two weeks. Lately, I have been drinking coffee the past few days straight. Half cup to one cup a day. I have definitely noticed I can't get to sleep for the life of me even though I drink the coffee before 12pm. At night, I've had more dreams about tornadoes and writing songs on the piano than ever. Funny thing is, despite the more rapid heartbeat, coffee seems to calm my mind and help me to not think too hard about things. But today, I am feeling more ADD and sluggish than normal, which is a stark contrast to my ADD on non-coffee days where I'm running around the house bouncy and with no coherent goal in mind. (I don't know if I have truly ADD, that's just how I like to describe it.) I have also felt more creative these past few coffee days. Today though... motivation to do anything has been zilch. I've just overall felt more relaxed.

The main reason I drank coffee the past few days was to see if I pick at my skin more or less. You would think coffee would make one pick at their skin more. But I haven't noticed an increase actually. It seems when I drink 2 servings of tea - green or black - there is an increase in picking. On days I drink zero caffeine, I think my picking tendencies can go either way on those days. Tomorrow I won't be having caffeine. Of course, I probably won't pick at my skin (especially my chest - the area I am most desperately trying to stop picking altogether) because I picked at it today and yesterday, and the sores hurt a lot.

I also weighed myself today and... *dun dun dun*... got bummed out. I weigh near 160 again. I guess for being 5'8" it's not a big deal. I was down to 150 though about a month or two ago, so I am saddened that I am suddenly 160. My trips to the gym have increased during the past 2 weeks. My body feels firm, but my thighs are on the verge of being too big for my skinny jeans. I'm kicking myself for not remembering what kind of workout routine I was doing earlier this year to get so thin. I can't seem to find my 'perfect formula' anymore. Hmm, I was doing a lot more errands/running around earlier this year, that might have been the key ingredient. I was also saddened to learn muscle weighing more than fat is a complete myth. Hahahaha... *sigh* Aaaaawwwwww... :(

I'm also not used to weighing myself obsessively. I've increased my 'weighing habits' in the past month or two, and that's probably caused the increase in weight. (Worrying about how much I weigh all the time, trying to eat as perfectly healthy as possible and failing, etc.)

I'm chucking that damn scale out the window.


Alright. I am bummed now. No more anything of anything anymore.