Grim Swirly.

Today was pretty successful in the skin department. I picked at my face and arms a tiny bit, but avoided picking the areas (i.e. the chest) that I generally have trouble keeping my fingers and nails off of. So that's good.

Didn't do a whole lot today on a day off. Contemplated painting, writing music, but in the end just settled for making bread in the bread machine (which I did just now... late at night, haha). And I sang out loud to my dogs and cats since no one was home. But that's normal for me. Making up senseless songs with the weird nicknames I come up with for my pets. Oh, and laundry. Half a load of laundry. You see, my brother swooped right in before I could put the next load in. Or, actually, his girlfriend did. Why the fuck is she doing his laundry? My brother wasn't doing anything. That dirty rotten SCOUNDREL.

Agh, I'm sort of battling my dad right now. It's pretty funny. He gave me something in a box to sell on Ebay. Only thing is... it's not IN the box at all. I told him this and he thinks I did something with it to make it go 'missing'. Wow. What would I want with an old cable modem? Where do I plug it in? Ha! Ok, so I know where to plug it in. By why would I want something we already have? I have no clue. In my previous blog, I mentioned how scattered my dad is because of the small LED business he runs, and his lack of sleep. This 'missing modem' thing is just one example. We all take the blame for things because he can't remember shit. (Well, we don't actually take the blame, but in my dad's whacked out mind we do and should.) Not that it REALLY matters, but I can't wait for him to go to work tomorrow and see the old cable modem staring him down from his desk or workbench by one of his many, many computers. He's a dork. It's safe to say I don't really respect him and haven't for some years now (he always telling us how he's this really ideal, role model of a person, haha!). I have cried way too much from his pushy, hostile forgetfulness/critical-ness. Stupid, I know. It's amazing how someone can be so fun to hangout with one hour, and an idiotic Hitler/Saddam the next.

(Get out! Escape! And you will be fine!)

Anyway, overall, today was pretty good. It was a mixture of loving life and hating it and wishing I were dead. But I've felt this way my whole life so far. I don't know where I'm going. I kind of wish I had a consistent optimistic mood that didn't just appear in 1 hour interchangeable spurts of hopefulness and hopelessness. It's really taxing on the psyche. Very tiring. I'm not sure if there's more to life than this. I kind of don't think there is.

Dreams down the drain. Wooooo.


Goodnight.