Thangz.

Alright... I just Twittered "time to blog" and thus blogspotters... it is time to BLOG.

Today, not much skin picking. Maybe a little picking at the scabs on my face and those cystic acne beeotches that are still lingering on my funny face. They too may turn into scabs if I don't keep my hands off of them. But work boredom can damage your skin if you let it. Gotta put up a fight and draw or something.

So yeah, went to work today. Felt tired, yet energetic again. I kind of went in and out of a bad mood because of this. I went from hating people to kind of loving them to just plain disliking most things. As the end of my shift neared, I definitely got a bit more excited, perky, awake -- I mean, afterall, my cute boyfriend was picking me up so we could hangout and do photography.

It wasn't me doing photography or anything. (Yeah yeah, I know I have tons of photos to edit and post on Flickr. I'll get to them one of these days.) The photo shoot involved me in *ahem, modest moment* a bikini *modest moment over*. Nah, I'm not that freaked out about wearing bikinis. I've worn them all my life whenever the day involved swimming pools, sprinklers, water parks, tanning, or sun burning. But I'm not that ecstatic about wearing them things when a camera is around, especially if I know I will most likely be seeing them on a friend's Facebook somewhere. People I don't know and will never see again... go ahead, take as many photos of my cottage cheese ass as you want. Just don't show me them. Don't 'send me a link!' to view them. And don't say 'hi' to me ever again online or in real life either.

Anyway, I had fun. Putting on silly makeup. Then sitting in the newly bought, and un-used doggy pool. (My boyfriend wanted there to be a child-like element in this photo shoot, hence the tiny dog pool. ) As far as the actual, pictures themselves? It is neither no surprise nor un-girly of me to say -- I did not care for the photos that happen to show my backside. I mean, my thighs are obviously bleh, but my boney back had -- would you believe! -- a deep SKIN FOLD when I turned my body a certain way. What?! (It was probably more like a fat fold.)

Girl bodies are tragic and confusing. I couldn't stop thinking about what I had seen during the ride home with my boyfriend. My boyfriend reassured me 'guys love that'. I don't really care if guys love that (boys, that is a disgusting thing to like by the way), but I personally just want to be happy with my body. Agh, no matter how thin I get, my backside will always have that certain shape to it that I have learned to loathe. I just refuse to look anymore. No photos, no mirrors, no nothing. It always launches me into this obsessive, depressive rant in my mind in which I eventually beg God to tell me why I was created so horribly. And vow to eat nothing but ice shavings.

Ugh.

Comparing yourself to others is a beeotch. I hate it HATE IT.

Hmmm...

Whatever.

I feel good tonight overall now that I am home and have my sleepy eyes fixed on going to bed early. I have decided tonight that I will join 43 Things (http://www.43things.com). I didn't understand the concept of the site before until last night. I didn't really view it as a positive website. I only saw it as a site about fannyboppers obsessing over their goals and tactics of one day meeting some celebrity or band. It completely turned me off from looking into the site further just for that reason. But last night, I did a Google search on some personal issues -- finding what your true calling is in life, fighting OCD, etc. -- and I came upon 43 Things. There is some damn good advice from those misconceived 43 Thing'ers. Decent advice from people who already feel they have achieved their goals and all that. Awesome reading and inspiration for sure.

Don't know if I quite have a list of 43 things I want to accomplish, but I'm sure it's close to that number. It can be the smallest thing too. Yay! I'll start small -- on the very most important things.

Goodnight.