MAJOR Intervention.

I am very tired of this.

I picked at my skin too much today. I was stressed and it felt totally worth it. But I will be crying and regretting it tonight, the next day, or next month.

I loathe people with beautiful porcelain skin. Because the part of me that the world sees... has freckles, age spots, sun damage, scars, all mixed with some ugly tan. It's completely not fair. They complain about their skin too -- about how they need a tan or some really stupid shit like that -- and I cry more. I wouldn't mind the tan so much if I had clear, spot/scar-free skin. Skin I could be proud of and not always want to hide.

I am blessed in the fact that everywhere -- other than my arms and face -- my skin is tan-free and free of damage for the most part. My face and arms are the only places I look 50 years old.

Hmm... I started to write a song about skin picking a few years ago. It's not complete. The intro pretty much is. I have the intro lyrics and the music to it still in my head. I really wanna finish it. I would cry too much singing it. I think someone else would have to sing it once it was finally complete.

I'll continue blogging more frequently. I don't know what to do other than that. I really wanna murder my own brain so I can be rid of this OCD vice of mine.





I WANNA TO STOP THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD PLEASE STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Maybe there's no point in stopping though? I already look old. Curing myself of skin picking won't erase years of damage. Gah, that really kills my heart. It rips it to shreds. :(

I would do anything to go back in time. I wanna kneel on the ground with my hands out to the sky screaming my face off. I am just that saddened and angry at all of this. All of my dumb stupid stupid choices. And why I had to start picking in the first place. At least I'm not Helen Keller though. That would really suck. I'm just obsessed with trying to be as beautiful as possible.

...OBVIOUSLY, it's not working.